Treena’s Story

I first came to Mhist at one of the most devastating times of my life. I had been through tough times before but the latest events I was going through “ tipped me over the edge” I didn’t want to be here anymore.  If it wasn’t for my son I probably wouldn’t be, I certainly wouldn’t have made it to therapy. There was no way I was going to leave my son without a mum, I felt selfish in having these thoughts, and so I needed to get help. I realised I needed to be here from me and not just him. I was also going through the menopause so my thoughts and feelings seemed magnified and out of control at times.

I need to regain my confidence and self-worth back. I work in a very negative job and it was hard for this not to affect my personal life. What made this worse were the people I worked with, the ones I should have been able to rely on and trust were adding to my stresses. Gas- lighting, bullying and working in a toxic environment were not only destroying my life but who I was as a person.

I initially sort help though my Doctor who were very supportive and they referred to me to the counselling service. It was an easy process, but as with everything else in my world I was very negative about what to expect. I didn’t want to be given “homework” exercises to do in my own time or sit listening to mood music laying on a couch to relax me, that’s what you do in therapy right? Absolutely not, my sessions started face to face and I soon realised that my therapist was not only friendly, buy they listened to me without judgement or prejudice. They helped me focus on my own thoughts and feelings.

Then lockdown!!! The sessions had to end and my work life was escalating out of control. I had already come so far so felt I could take some control back in my life but I wasn’t sure what to do. I have attached a poem I wrote which shows where my and thoughts were at the time I was going through this terrible ordeal. I was lucky I was contacted again by Mhist to do Zoom sessions, I couldn’t wait to get started. A new therapist and having to start again was a tough task but again the therapist couldn’t have been more understanding, reassuring or supportive.

I was encouraged to work through my own thoughts, challenge my own feelings and make some rationale of my situation. I realised I was not the one who was in the wrong; I was a victim to these people and the situation I was in and needed and needed to take back control of my life. I began to peel back the layers of who I had become, to who I thought I was and should be. More than this I feel I have become a better version of myself, and I now have the tools to cope with most elements of what life throws at me.

The sessions finished a few months ago and I have started a new job, a very challenging role dealing with people in stressful situations.  I have benefited from the therapy I have already had, and my training in dealing and managing extreme situations with this new role has just helped me see more clearly what is happening around me and help me deal with anything that I am faced with in amore controlled rationale manner.

I am certainly not the finished article; do I still need more therapy? Yes!!! I have managed to realign my life, feeling much calmer, relaxed and more confident in who I am. – (I have enclosed another poem I wrote near to completing my therapy).However, once I started to peel back the layers I realised there is much more that has happened to me that lead up to my breakdown. I have every confidence and no hesitation in going back to Mhist when the time is right for me to address these issues. They were there at a time when I needed them and I am sure they will be there again in the future.

Three are the poems I wrote :

The first one at the start

Stuck in the waiting room

Which door will open

Bright white light

Nothing to see here

Standing room only

How long has it been

Start middle end

Nothing to feel here

All by myself

No conversation

Quiet silence peace

Nothing to hear here

Search all around me

Endlessly turning

Stark empty desolate

Nothing but me here

Stuck in the waiting room

Which door do I choose

Tired scared lonely

It’s time to leave here

And the 2nd one at the end:

I need to let go

Stop holding on

The past is the past

And it’s long gone

Its not who I am

Or meant to be

It’s the journey I’ve had

It doesn’t define me

The path is not set

It’s for me to decide

Where to go next

Not to run or to hide

Time to move forward

To grow, to be me

Who I once was

Now a distant memory

Kind regards